It is hard to stop
Many who what to stop using pornography find it very difficult to stop.
It may be someone who experienced a significant conversion of faith, and now they desire to live a holy life of faith, hope and love. But they can’t stop.
It may be someone who feels called to the priesthood or religious life, entering into a special friendship with Jesus and in his name, ministering to the spiritual needs of others. But they can’t stop.
It may be someone who has fallen deeply in love and are preparing to enter into a holy, sacramental marriage and they truly desire to be a total gift of self to the other that is free, faithful, fruitful and forever. They truly desire to be a father or mother. But they can’t stop.
It may be someone who is married with a family, perhaps even for decades. They know their pornography habit is based on lies and deceit to hide their behavior. This damages trust in the marriage and hurts their beloved and their children. Studies have found that when a spouse catches their partner using pornography, the hurt and damage is equivalent to adultery. They no longer want pornography in their lives. But they can’t stop.
Others may think, “I can stop at any time, when I get married. It is not a problem.” But statistics tell a different story. The person often finds stopping their pornography habit is very difficult. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reported in 2002 that 56% of divorces involved one party having “an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.”
The solution seems simple. Just stop. But reality is quite different. Sheer willpower is not enough.
Many enter into what is called a “cycle of despair”. They decide to stop their pornography habit, only to fail. The resolve to try even harder, but only fail. They begin to feel hopelessness and desperation. They hate pornography in their lives. They want to be set free. But they feel they can’t share this problem with anyone. It is too shameful. So they resolve to try even harder, again and again. Only to fail again and again. Only to enter into despair again and again. And the cycle continues.
Some might be tempted to say, “Just accept it as healthy and be free of the guilt”. But this is a lie. This doesn’t alleviate the harmful effects, the pain pornography inflicts on the person and their families. It doesn’t restore the person to the dignity God has created them for.
A key factor in the battle to quit pornography is to know oneself. The more someone is informed and the more they know what is causing the struggle, the better prepared they are to stop pornography usage. The struggle against pornography is both a physical struggle and a spiritual struggle.
Is is a Physical Problem
For the person who habitually uses pornography, the brain is “wired”, so to speak, towards pornography. For a brief overview and as an initial step to understanding the physical struggle, visit the “It is a Physical Problem” page.
Is it a Spiritual Problem
Due to original sin, we have a weakened intellect and will, and we have a tendency towards sin. A spiritual problem requires a spiritual response. For a brief overview and as an initial step to understanding the spiritual struggle, visit the “It is a Spiritual Problem” page.
It may seem overwhelming and unavoidable, but quiting pornography is possible. There are many web sites and software programs available to help those struggling with pronography. Both Covenant Eyes and RECLAIM Sexual Health are valuable resources to both learn in-depth about the struggle with pornography, as well as services and science based programs to help a person quit pornography.
Covenant Eyes
Covenant Eyes is an excellent resource available to quit pornography. They are the pioneer of Internet and Screen Accountability software and they are the corporate leader in cultural recognition of the public health crisis of pornography and sex trafficking. Their software services and free resources are a valuable help for those struggling with pornography.
Internet Filtering
Covenant Eyes provides software services to block access to all known adult, pornographic, and explicit websites. It can also be configured to block mixed-content sites (like Reddit), as well as proxy and VPN domains that are used to bypass filters. For the person struggling with pornography, blocking pornographic web sites offers the person an opportunity to pause and reach out to their accountability partner, or to reach out in prayer.
Accountability Partner
Having an accountability partner is an important tool in the battle to break free from pornography. Quitting pornography is hard, especially when trying to do it alone. A person needs community and friendship. A person who struggles with pornography feels embarrassed and shame and hence, hides their behavior. Having a trusted accountability partner helps remove the shame associated with pornography usage and avoids struggling with the problem in isolation.
Covenant Eyes provides software services to establish an accountability partner. This helps parents monitor their children’s Internet activity. Parents will receive a daily report of any pornographic activity. Parents can then talk to their kids, providing them crucial guidance as they grow and mature, helping them understand the proper use of technology as well as equipping them to not give into sexual temptation and embrace a life of chastity and holiness.
Excellent Resource for Information
Covenant Eyes also is an excellent source of information. They provide informative resources to help better understand the threat of pornography, how it impacts the brain and resources to help break the pornography habit.
Covenant Eyes has partnered with the Unites States Council of Catholic Bishops. The information provided is consistent with Catholic teaching.
Learn more
Visit the Covenant Eyes web site for more information, view their resources page for a variety of informative documents, and view their video entitled “Sick and tired of trying to quit porn? You’re not alone.”, for an excellent overview of this issue and how Covenant Eyes can help.
RECLAIM Sexual Health
For the person struggling to quit pornography, having an accountability partner is very beneficial. But it is often not enough. The person struggling to quit pornography will finds ways to access pornography. An accountability partner program doesn't adequately address the issue of the brain related to pornography. For that, a person will need a program or action plan that address the pornography habit formed in the brain.
RECLAIM Sexual Health combines brain science in the light of faith to provide an anonymous, Catholic, science-based and comprehensive recovery program from pornography and other problematic sexual compulsions. It combines recent discoveries in brain science, psychology, addiction recovery and is in accord with the Catholic Church teaching on sexuality. Their program incorporates faith, the sacraments and intercessory prayer. RECLAIM Sexual Health is an initiative of Elizabeth Ministry International and The Most Reverend David L. Ricken, Bishop of the Diocese of Green Bay and has the bishop’s imprimatur. The RECLAIM Sexual Health web site also provides many additional resources.
"As a psychiatrist with 25 years of clinical practice, my careful review of every aspect of RECLAIM-Sexual Health has led me to conclude that RECLAIM is a most effective online program for helping persons who are struggling to be free of Internet pornography addiction." - Sister Marysia Weber, R.S.M., D.O. Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma, Michigan
Go to the RECLAIM Sexual Health web site to learn more about their recovery program and to view a video overview found on the home page.
Also, you can view the RECLAIM Sexual Health mini course that is available online.
Other resources
The battle against pornography can seem overwhelming. However, the more one is informed, the better prepared they will be to quit pornography. In addition to Covenant Eyes and RECLAIM Sexual Health, there are many web sites and software available to help quit pornography. See the Available Resources page for additional sources of information and tools.